College is changing fast—and so are the costs.

With shrinking scholarships, less aid available, and tighter loan limits, many families are realizing that talking to your child about paying for college is no longer optional—it’s essential. But having the college money talk with your child is not easy.

Unfortunately, I still see too many situations where a student chooses a college based more on preference or peer pressure, and the parents quietly agree to borrow whatever is needed—without fully weighing the long-term impact on their family’s finances.

That’s why it’s so important to have open, two-way conversations about college costs before the applications (and acceptance letters) start rolling in. And here’s an important note for parents: It’s equally important to listen and understand what’s important to your student. Yes, the financial piece matters, but so does helping them find a school or program where they will thrive. The goal is to balance both sides of the equation—cost and fit.

Here are 5 key conversations to start having now as you’re talking to your child about paying for college:

1. How Much Can We Really Afford?

Have a candid discussion as a family about what you can realistically afford without assuming that student loans (or Parent PLUS loans) will magically cover the gap.

In recent conversations, I’ve met parents who wanted to “let their student take the lead” in choosing a college and planned to borrow whatever it took. But sometimes these preferences are driven by peer pressure, social media, or the belief that attending a pricey college guarantees a better job.

When having this talk, parents—listen to your child’s dreams and goals. Let them share what they hope to get from their college experience. Then help them connect those hopes to realistic financial decisions.

2. What Will This College Actually Cost Us?

As you’re talking to your child about paying for college, be sure to look past the sticker price. Every college has a net price calculator on its website. Use it together, and teach your student how to estimate what your family will actually pay after scholarships and grants.

And remember to budget for more than tuition and housing. Travel, lab fees, books, health insurance, and meal plans can add up quickly, especially at out-of-state schools.

>>RELATED: Why Every Family should Apply for Financial Aid

3. How Much Should We Borrow—If Any?

If you’re considering Parent PLUS loans, ask yourself: Could you still make those payments if your job situation changed? Would you be comfortable knowing that your Social Security could be garnished later if things don’t go as planned?

This is also a chance for students to learn about responsible borrowing and to think carefully about what level of debt will fit with their future career plans and earnings.

4. Can We Reduce Costs by Starting at Community College?

One of the smartest ways to lower costs is starting at a community college, especially if your student is still exploring career options.

Many careers in healthcare and the trades only require a two-year degree, and community colleges can offer a fast path to good-paying jobs as a:

• Registered nurse
• Surgical technologist
• Radiologic technologist
• Dental hygienist
• Electrician
• Plumber
• HVAC technician

If parents are pushing for a traditional four-year experience, while the student is feeling unsure, community college can also be a great compromise. It lets students explore interests without the pressure of massive debt, and gives them time to clarify their goals.

5. How Can Scholarships Help?

One of the most important points when talking to your child about paying for college is this: Students shouldn’t expect parents to cover everything. They need to be part of finding solutions, and that includes scholarships.

With scholarships becoming more competitive, encourage your student to start early and look for “low hanging fruit” like local awards from community groups, businesses, and the Rotary Club.

Ask your high school counselor what scholarships other students have won in past years. And remember—it’s never too early to start. Junior year is a great time to begin applying.

>>RELATED: Where to Find Free Money for College - Grants & Scholarships

Final thought

College is simply too expensive today to “figure it out later.” Talking to your child about paying for college is one of the most important steps families can take. And it works best when both parents and students come to the table ready to listen and learn from each other. The more you plan together, the better prepared your student will be to choose a path that’s affordable, realistic, and aligned with their goals.